Emancipation by Forgiveness

My grandfather used to say “Remember that forgiveness is not for the offender, it is for the offended.”

For many, forgiveness is a tender subject.  Why? Well, to begin a discussion about forgiveness, it will inevitably resurface feelings associated with someone’s offense.  Whether you are the offender or the offended, forgiveness is the key that will unlock the cell and loose the emotional chains that unforgiveness uses to bind you.  Let’s face it, at some point everyone will need forgiveness, because none of us are perfect.  The challenge arises when we forget that, with God, forgiveness is not merely recommended, but required, and the measure that you give to others is what will be given to you.  When you learn to truly forgive, you realize you freed a prisoner, only to find that the prisoner was...you.

My grandfather’s statement is a consummate reminder that once we understand the power in forgiveness, we can learn to master our enemies, our circumstances and ourselves.  I once asked my grandfather “what does it mean to forgive someone?”  His reply is still the basis for my definition of forgiveness to this day.  He said “when you allow God to avenge the wrong someone did in His time and in His way, you have forgiven them.”  It was amazing to me that he didn’t say that you forget what happened or that the hurt feelings go away or that you allow the person to regain a position in your life.  It is about releasing the need to be somehow a part of their revenge.  Whether you desire is to be the catalyst, facilitator or the audience to the retaliation for what someone did, that jealousy for revenge is what keeps you bound to the offense.  If you are bound then you are controlled and if you are controlled, that means something has power over you. 

So is there anything mastering you?  If so, how long are you going to allow that person or event to have control?  When you harbor unforgiveness – sure, you may move on, but you don’t have control, the feelings are merely suppressed.  It is not realized until you have to again face memory of the offense.  God knows this concept all too well and I am convinced that it is why he tells us through Paul in Romans 12:19 that “…vengeance is mine, I will repay says the Lord…”  Forgiveness is so important to God that He requires that we forgive others so that He can forgive us and as mentioned earlier, at some point, we will all need forgiveness.

Considering these words, I strain to understand why anyone would not want to be free from the captivity of unforgiveness.  Maybe they think that it is a sign of weakness or maybe they don’t want to face it and hope the painful feelings just go away.  Truthfully, it takes courage, maturity and strength to forgive.  Mahatma Ghandi once said “the weak can’t forgive; forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”  Listen, no one is saying that forgiving is easy, on the contrary it is difficult many times, but there is truth in the old saying “either forgive it or relive it.”  My prayer for you is that you grasp the power of forgiveness and when needed you have the strength to use it to break the chains that bind.  Forgive your friends, forgive your enemies and don't forget to…forgive yourself.  Be Blessed.

Stress Relief

My grandfather used to say “You can’t control everything, but you can pray about everything. Do what you can with the challenges of today and for tomorrow…trust God.”

Would you like to relieve some of the stress in your life? Well, pay careful attention to the wisdom in these words and I am confident that, if applied, it will enable you to avoid some of the worry that constantly aims to rob you of your peace. You see, it is not merely the inherent stress associated with life that causes us mental and physical strain, but the pressures created by our own perceptions, conclusions and misunderstandings that lead to the unnecessary and avoidable stress that inhibits our ability to truly enjoy life to its fullest.

A survey conducted by the APA (American Psychological Association) revealed that 1 in every 3 adults experience extreme stress with 15% reaching their “stress high” for up to 15 days out of the month. It goes on to reveal that 48% experience health related issues due to stress and 43% either overeat or eat unhealthy foods due to stress. Those who smoke and drink alcohol - 47% and 17% experienced an increase in their consumption during periods of high stress, respectively.* Here is something that I have come to understand, everyone’s stress is different and affects them in different ways, but a key “first step” to reducing and dealing with your stress more effectively is realizing where your stress comes from and how much of it you can avoid.

It was one of those moments where I was stressing over a few different things when my grandfather offered this life line of wisdom, and as usual, the lesson has helped me to evade unnecessary stress in my life over the years when I apply it in the face of potential pressure. The opportunities to worry are endless; a money issue, work pressures, family and relationship challenges, the list goes on and on. The real question is how much of it can you really control? In the book of Matthew (verses 25 – 34), Jesus personally reminds us that basically, you can’t change a thing by worrying about it. We can only see life in the moment we are in, God sees what has happened, what is happening, and more importantly, what will happen. So the better question is do you trust God with your future?

What my grandfather wanted to convey with this quote was the need for me to understand that God is in control, whether I believe it or not, in fact he would often shorten the quote to just two words…”Trust God”. Much like my post “Dance Lessons” sometimes God allows challenges in our life to bring us closer to him. My post “The Ratio of Life“, reminds us that life is only 10% what happens but 90% what you do about it. The stresses and storms are inevitable, but it is how you handle them that will determine how heavy and how long you experience them. Head over to the archives and check them out, it may only take you five minutes. My prayer for you is that you begin to grasp tightly to this life line of wisdom when the tide of life’s pressure rises. Put your worries and trust in God’s hands, so that after the storm has passed you see that you still stand on a rock of hope in Him. No one said it would be easy, but I can attest that it works. Be Blessed.

*Resource - Hitti, M. (2007, October) Web MD: "1 in 3 Adults Feel Extreme Stress" Retrieved from http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/news/20071025/1-in-3-adults-feel-extreme-stress?src=RSS_PUBLIC

The Secret to Success

My grandfather used to say “The hardest part of being the best_________, is your own self control.”

This statement has the potential to change the way you view everything that matters in life. It remains one of the greatest “Ah-ha” moments I have experienced and I try to apply it's wisdom on a daily basis. I believe that to understand this statement is to unlock and open the door that leads to the realization of your goals and dreams and as I have found, it is the greatest gift of advice you can give to those you want to succeed.

What is it that you want to be? I am not only speaking of the “superstar” level wishes, but the most basic of goals that you have for yourself. For me, it’s to be the best dad and husband I can be, sometimes, I want to be a great at a sport or an eloquent writer, and other times I just want to be a good listener or simply a good example to the people around me. What I find is my greatest challenge to achieving these everyday goals on a regular basis is…well…me. Like most everyone, I am always on my mind; what I want, I need or think that I deserve – my rights or my opinion; we all have an open ended ticket for the “me” train. The truth at the core of my grandfather’s statement is simply this: to achieve what you want it takes hard work, and often times that hard work is controlling yourself.

The biographies of millionaires, pro athletes, business gurus and people who have changed their world tend to have a consistent theme; hard work and sacrifice. It is a great thing to have dreams, passions and faith, but as James 2:20 states “…faith without works is dead.” But even work, if not directed toward a goal can become wasted energy, like raking leaves in a hurricane. If hard work is the door you have to go through to get to your dreams, then discipline is the door knob and sacrifices are the hinges that allow that door to open.

In my grandfather’s statement that begins this post, there is a blank behind the word “best”, it is there for you to fill in what it is you want to be. As you fill in that blank with the thing you want to become, ponder this; what are you willing to sacrifice to achieve it? How dedicated are you to becoming what you yearn to be? Are you willing to sacrifice your comfort, your pleasures, even your freedoms (as described in my post ‘Your Master Called Freedom’) to be the best? My prayer is that you embrace the sacrifices, the hard work and moreover the discipline and self control it takes to achieve your dreams. Take the time to apply them on a daily basis to be the best “you” that you can be. Remember that discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments and hard work is the road that leads to success. Be Blessed.