Stress Relief

My grandfather used to say “You can’t control everything, but you can pray about everything. Do what you can with the challenges of today and for tomorrow…trust God.”

Would you like to relieve some of the stress in your life? Well, pay careful attention to the wisdom in these words and I am confident that, if applied, it will enable you to avoid some of the worry that constantly aims to rob you of your peace. You see, it is not merely the inherent stress associated with life that causes us mental and physical strain, but the pressures created by our own perceptions, conclusions and misunderstandings that lead to the unnecessary and avoidable stress that inhibits our ability to truly enjoy life to its fullest.

A survey conducted by the APA (American Psychological Association) revealed that 1 in every 3 adults experience extreme stress with 15% reaching their “stress high” for up to 15 days out of the month. It goes on to reveal that 48% experience health related issues due to stress and 43% either overeat or eat unhealthy foods due to stress. Those who smoke and drink alcohol - 47% and 17% experienced an increase in their consumption during periods of high stress, respectively.* Here is something that I have come to understand, everyone’s stress is different and affects them in different ways, but a key “first step” to reducing and dealing with your stress more effectively is realizing where your stress comes from and how much of it you can avoid.

It was one of those moments where I was stressing over a few different things when my grandfather offered this life line of wisdom, and as usual, the lesson has helped me to evade unnecessary stress in my life over the years when I apply it in the face of potential pressure. The opportunities to worry are endless; a money issue, work pressures, family and relationship challenges, the list goes on and on. The real question is how much of it can you really control? In the book of Matthew (verses 25 – 34), Jesus personally reminds us that basically, you can’t change a thing by worrying about it. We can only see life in the moment we are in, God sees what has happened, what is happening, and more importantly, what will happen. So the better question is do you trust God with your future?

What my grandfather wanted to convey with this quote was the need for me to understand that God is in control, whether I believe it or not, in fact he would often shorten the quote to just two words…”Trust God”. Much like my post “Dance Lessons” sometimes God allows challenges in our life to bring us closer to him. My post “The Ratio of Life“, reminds us that life is only 10% what happens but 90% what you do about it. The stresses and storms are inevitable, but it is how you handle them that will determine how heavy and how long you experience them. Head over to the archives and check them out, it may only take you five minutes. My prayer for you is that you begin to grasp tightly to this life line of wisdom when the tide of life’s pressure rises. Put your worries and trust in God’s hands, so that after the storm has passed you see that you still stand on a rock of hope in Him. No one said it would be easy, but I can attest that it works. Be Blessed.

*Resource - Hitti, M. (2007, October) Web MD: "1 in 3 Adults Feel Extreme Stress" Retrieved from http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/news/20071025/1-in-3-adults-feel-extreme-stress?src=RSS_PUBLIC

The Gift of Disillusionment

My grandfather used to say “A person who will steal for you, will steal from you.”

This entry will hopefully challenge you to evaluate not only the way that you trust, but help you to look past the superficial displays of those close to you and understand how to dig deeper into character before you invest hope in someone. When it comes to relationships, trust is not optional, it’s required – if you want the relationship to be truly successful. The greater question becomes how do you learn who you can really trust and what do you look for to avoid learning the depth of your misguided trust by the gravity of their betrayal?

My grandfather’s quote is a reminder that the evaluation of a person’s character doesn’t begin when the big challenges arise, it begins immediately with every small interaction you have with those around you. In this particular situation, it was one of the crewmen working for my grandfather’s business. He was a very nice guy and had worked for my grandfather for a few years. We had just finished working on an elderly lady’s property when my grandfather noticed an extra lawn mower in the truck. After he inquired a few times of its origin, this crewmen spoke up stating that it had been sitting under the house and the lady probably didn’t even know it was there. It was in very bad shape and though she didn’t verbally say he could have it, he figured she would never use it and he would fix it up for my grandfather to use for his business.

My grandfather returned the mower to the elderly woman with a humble apology and without naming names. When he returned to us, he told the crewman that it was his last day working with him. The crewman tried to explain that his intentions were good; my grandfather just simply stated the quote above. You see, the crewman’s actions made my grandfather question his integrity, his decisions and consider the “what if” factor that turns a reflective moment into an introspective moment. In my grandfather’s wisdom he knew the action was more than just a simple slip-up, it was an indication of the condition of the crewman’s heart that surfaced without provocation. Furthermore, had he accepted the stolen gift, he then was guilty of the same thievery and it has been well said that there is no honor amongst thieves.

Much like the post “Gossiper Beware” from January, we should continually observe the actions of those around us to understand those characteristics that can only be seen by watching what they do, not listening to what they say. Just like love is a verb, so is trust, respect, communication – all of the components of great relationships and whether it’s someone you are dating who disrespects their parent, someone spreading gossip about someone else or a friend that you catch in habitual “little white lies”, keep your eyes open for the signs of their hidden personality, and be realistic about your ability to become a victim of those damaging characteristics. My prayer is that you continually evaluate the company you keep and in those times of question, you seek counsel from the one who loves you most…God. Be Blessed.

Gossiper Beware

My grandfather used to say: “A dog that buries a bone…carries a bone”

Do you know one of those people who is always ready to enlighten you to some “juicy scoop” about someone else? Maybe it’s a neighbor, an associate, or a co-worker on the job that knows everything about everybody…or at least they think they do. There is a major difference between someone sharing useful information and merely spreading trifling gossip. My grandfather’s valuable reminder is a common sense warning to us all, as we engage with others in two of the foundational components of relationships – trust and communication. We call the trap “the grapevine” and before you know it, you are caught up in one of the most destructive devices in our society with the infamous power to breed betrayal, wreck reputations, and sink friendships.

How does that happen you ask…simple…I will answer that with this question. What makes you think that someone who gossips to you, won’t gossip about you? You see, the vulnerability of a person who listens to gossip is the lack of foresight to realize that they are likely to be the next victim of the gossiper’s words. When I started managing people 17 years ago, I quickly understood the destructive power of gossip as I constantly dealt with workplace drama. Incidents usually ended with me consoling some disillusioned target as they realize their trust has been betrayed by a gossiper masquerading as a friend. After a few of these episodes, I penned a poem that is framed on my office wall and I want to share it with you. I appropriately named it “Fair Warning”, and I hope you read it with focused attention, so the next time someone comes to bury a bone of gossip in the backyard of your heart, you can be sure to keep hidden your bones of treasured information, lest they steal away with them, to share with someone else. Be Blessed.

Fair Warning

A juicy little gossip seed,

whispered into someone’s head.

Grows and grows like no one knows,

just as weeds in a flower bed.

And with each time that little seed

is planted or re-dispersed,

something is added from the last that had it

and it’s made into something worse.

Until soon you’ll see, that little seed

someone gave with all their trust,

has helped to steal their confidence

and crush their hopes to dust.

Loose lips sink friendships.

Trust those words you’ll find they are true.

Watch out, for the next seed spread around

just may be a seed about you.

Copyright © 1999 by William T. Holt