A Stones Throw

My grandfather used to say “if that stone cold talk, it would probably tell on you.”

My grandfather would employ this statement to encourage others to take a moment and evaluate a judgmental comment, or to divert an accusatory conversation that was intended to slander someone else. Much like the biblical accusers ready to stone the harlot in John chapter 8, there are times when we all hurl proverbial stones at the guilty (and the innocent) but fail to realize that everyone has imperfections and only God has the right to judge. Not only does this statement apply to accusations, but it has enormous weight when you consider the concept of forgiveness…and that - we all need.

His statement within itself was not his way of condemning people for their actions, but merely a reminder that before we point out the grain of sand in the eye of another, we should remove the figurative sand dune from our own eye. It is amazing how often we forget how imperfect all of us humans are until we ourselves make a mistake, and then we are quick to claim the “I’m human” justification.Whether your criticism is in their face or not , the stones you throw at others don’t raise the pedestal that you sit on, they carry with them the condemnation of your own transgressions, and if those stones could talk...they would scream your secrets to the masses.

When it comes to forgiveness, the concept is much the same. So often we only read half of what a scripture has to say about forgiveness, if we read scripture at all. We are quick to claim that God forgives us, but many make a grave mistake in not understanding that in every scripture on forgiveness, we have a requirement to forgive others. I once spoke with a young man who was blatant about his hatred towards his younger brother. On his arm, he had a cross tattooed with the words “Only God Can Judge Me”. In an effort to help him consider forgiveness, I asked him “What is it that God is going to judge you for?” The question forced him to peer into his own mirror image and reflect on the scenes of personal failure that littered his mind. It’s true, no one is perfect, and sometimes – especially when we are judging others – we all need to be reminded of that.

Listen friend, bottom line is that we should all truly live by the biblical “golden rule”, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. What does that mean? Well, for me, it is that if I don’t like condemnation, then I should not condemn and keep my rocks in my pocket. Moreover, I should be quick to forgive, because it is well said that forgiveness is not just for the offender, but more beneficial to the offended. When you forgive others you open the doors of forgiveness for yourself. What does it say to you? Hopefully it encourages you to stay away from rock piles unless you are laying your rocks at the foot of the cross, where they belong. Be Blessed.

The Gift of Disillusionment

My grandfather used to say “A person who will steal for you, will steal from you.”

This entry will hopefully challenge you to evaluate not only the way that you trust, but help you to look past the superficial displays of those close to you and understand how to dig deeper into character before you invest hope in someone. When it comes to relationships, trust is not optional, it’s required – if you want the relationship to be truly successful. The greater question becomes how do you learn who you can really trust and what do you look for to avoid learning the depth of your misguided trust by the gravity of their betrayal?

My grandfather’s quote is a reminder that the evaluation of a person’s character doesn’t begin when the big challenges arise, it begins immediately with every small interaction you have with those around you. In this particular situation, it was one of the crewmen working for my grandfather’s business. He was a very nice guy and had worked for my grandfather for a few years. We had just finished working on an elderly lady’s property when my grandfather noticed an extra lawn mower in the truck. After he inquired a few times of its origin, this crewmen spoke up stating that it had been sitting under the house and the lady probably didn’t even know it was there. It was in very bad shape and though she didn’t verbally say he could have it, he figured she would never use it and he would fix it up for my grandfather to use for his business.

My grandfather returned the mower to the elderly woman with a humble apology and without naming names. When he returned to us, he told the crewman that it was his last day working with him. The crewman tried to explain that his intentions were good; my grandfather just simply stated the quote above. You see, the crewman’s actions made my grandfather question his integrity, his decisions and consider the “what if” factor that turns a reflective moment into an introspective moment. In my grandfather’s wisdom he knew the action was more than just a simple slip-up, it was an indication of the condition of the crewman’s heart that surfaced without provocation. Furthermore, had he accepted the stolen gift, he then was guilty of the same thievery and it has been well said that there is no honor amongst thieves.

Much like the post “Gossiper Beware” from January, we should continually observe the actions of those around us to understand those characteristics that can only be seen by watching what they do, not listening to what they say. Just like love is a verb, so is trust, respect, communication – all of the components of great relationships and whether it’s someone you are dating who disrespects their parent, someone spreading gossip about someone else or a friend that you catch in habitual “little white lies”, keep your eyes open for the signs of their hidden personality, and be realistic about your ability to become a victim of those damaging characteristics. My prayer is that you continually evaluate the company you keep and in those times of question, you seek counsel from the one who loves you most…God. Be Blessed.

The Healing Grounds

My grandfather used to say, “Sometimes you just have to give it time to heal.”

This tidbit of wisdom is often shared by the older generation because they have the diploma of wisdom that only comes from life’s institution of learning. Similar to the post “A word to the unwise” from earlier in April, this simple statement reminds us that some lessons in life can only be learned through experience, or the wisdom gained by attention paid to the struggles of others. However, it takes the concept a step further to help us understand how to deal with, not only the pain of life's hurts, but the wounds and scars they cause.

A very important thing to remember is that, like physical pain and scars, emotional pain and scars tend to follow much of the same process to heal. As a man, I often have the tendency to try and speed the process along or try to “fix it”, without truly comprehending that sometimes you have to just…let it heal. We teach kids not to pick at the scabs that cover their wounds, because we know that underneath that shell - healing is taking place - and if you disturb the natural process, you will impede the healing, and potentially create a worse scar. The wisdom in this statement isn’t just for those who get wounded, but those who cause the wounds as well. Even with the best of intentions, you can do more harm than help, if you do not allow adequate time to heal. The cycle is often perpetuated because we know that hurt people…hurt people.
I penned a poem a few years ago as I dealt with this very issue, I want to share it with you in the hopes that you understand the complex simplicity of my grandfather’s words and apply the lesson as opportunities arise in your life. Be Blessed.

The Healing Grounds

Under a callous, impervious and unsightly shell, the healing takes place.
Like a band aide, created out of pain and irritation, shielding our injury from infection.
At times an unattractive exhibit is the environment of restoration and repair.
A protective covering which requires solitude and tranquility to perform its work.
In the back of my mind I can hear my mother say “just leave it alone.”
Referring to the hideous scab that shelters my irritating wound.
You have to let it remove itself in its own good time, when the healing is done.
Profound wisdom applicable to the many wounds we encounter in life.
Not only the harm that is inflicted to us, but the damage we inflict to others as well.
In any case the process for restoration is the same…slow and delicate.
Time and peace are often healers of the body and the soul.
It’s our own impatience that prevents us from permitting the necessary time to heal."
Usually it is that same impatience that caused us to hurt in the first place.
Why do we attack our own shields, damaging the very device we have put in place
to guard against anything that would impair our ability to regenerate and renew.
If we don’t understand or regard the consequence of an ignorant success,
we will expose our vulnerabilities and impede the progression of recovery.
The absence of wisdom can be the birthplace of scars.
The graffiti of life, vandalism committed by the results of our bad decisions,
it’s our failure to let the wound heal, or our own series of unfortunate events.
When do we learn the lesson, an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure?
We should engage in proactive preventive maintenance, versus reactive disaster recovery.
If life’s greatest teacher is experience, then to learn from others’ mistakes is true wisdom.
It’s been said that knowledge is power, but the evidence of life is that only
applied knowledge produces results. Knowledge is not much if no one ever uses it.
Like the ingredients of the grandest dish, time, faith and wisdom work in unison to
create healing and facilitate the therapy that nurses our wounds.
Yet you can only see the whole miracle of rebirth and the power of restoration revealed
When you use the wisdom and patience necessary to let the scab fall away…

Copyright 2005 by William T. Holt