The Secret to Success

My grandfather used to say “The hardest part of being the best_________, is your own self control.”

This statement has the potential to change the way you view everything that matters in life. It remains one of the greatest “Ah-ha” moments I have experienced and I try to apply it's wisdom on a daily basis. I believe that to understand this statement is to unlock and open the door that leads to the realization of your goals and dreams and as I have found, it is the greatest gift of advice you can give to those you want to succeed.

What is it that you want to be? I am not only speaking of the “superstar” level wishes, but the most basic of goals that you have for yourself. For me, it’s to be the best dad and husband I can be, sometimes, I want to be a great at a sport or an eloquent writer, and other times I just want to be a good listener or simply a good example to the people around me. What I find is my greatest challenge to achieving these everyday goals on a regular basis is…well…me. Like most everyone, I am always on my mind; what I want, I need or think that I deserve – my rights or my opinion; we all have an open ended ticket for the “me” train. The truth at the core of my grandfather’s statement is simply this: to achieve what you want it takes hard work, and often times that hard work is controlling yourself.

The biographies of millionaires, pro athletes, business gurus and people who have changed their world tend to have a consistent theme; hard work and sacrifice. It is a great thing to have dreams, passions and faith, but as James 2:20 states “…faith without works is dead.” But even work, if not directed toward a goal can become wasted energy, like raking leaves in a hurricane. If hard work is the door you have to go through to get to your dreams, then discipline is the door knob and sacrifices are the hinges that allow that door to open.

In my grandfather’s statement that begins this post, there is a blank behind the word “best”, it is there for you to fill in what it is you want to be. As you fill in that blank with the thing you want to become, ponder this; what are you willing to sacrifice to achieve it? How dedicated are you to becoming what you yearn to be? Are you willing to sacrifice your comfort, your pleasures, even your freedoms (as described in my post ‘Your Master Called Freedom’) to be the best? My prayer is that you embrace the sacrifices, the hard work and moreover the discipline and self control it takes to achieve your dreams. Take the time to apply them on a daily basis to be the best “you” that you can be. Remember that discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments and hard work is the road that leads to success. Be Blessed.

Your Master Called Freedom

My grandfather used to say “Be careful that your freedoms don’t become your master.”

In this July 4^th holiday season, I wanted to bring to light a quote that has everything to do with your freedoms. This country enjoys freedoms that are the distant envy of other countries and some freedoms that others pray never embeds itself within their borders or their home. I was fourteen years old when I heard this ironic yet enlightening anvil of wisdom and unfortunately saw the tragic consequences of not heeding such poignant advice. It was an eye opening statement that helped me reconsider my youthful definition of freedom.

Let me illustrate this with a story of a friend of mine, for the sake of anonymity, we will call him ‘Willy”. Willy had just turned 21 and he was spending the summer at his relative’s home which was near my grandfather’s house where I spent my childhood summers. Willy was one of the most natural basketball talents that you would ever witness. Dunking effortlessly, shooting 3-pointers like they were lay-ups and moves as smooth as silk dribbling the ball; he was truly the Lebron James our little home town. Willy was working with my grandfather this particular summer during his college break and at lunch we were discussing our plans for the evening. Willy was excited that now he was free to drink alcohol, legally, and he was going to go out with some friends to celebrate his birthday and his new found…freedom. My grandfather offered this quote to him and explained that although he was “free” to drink alcohol because of his age, he should reconsider whether it was something he really wanted to engage in with so much promise in his future.

Willy politely dismissed the warning and cited various people that we all knew, including his own dad, who drank and his hopes that it would help usher in his manhood and redefine his peer group. My grandfather further elaborated on his quote highlighting factually that each of the people that Willy mentioned had been unable to stop their drinking thus far. Careful not to spread stories of anyone’s detriment, my grandfather encouraged Willy to ask each of his mentioned “idols” one question; 'what was the worst thing that they had done, because of their drinking?' He insisted that Willy should ask before he began drinking. I am not sure if Willy ever asked or what happened that night, because Willy never showed up for work again, but what I do know is that he was eventually kicked off of the basketball team and out of college due to issues that were rooted…in his drinking problem.

Here is what my grandfather knew, just because you can do something, doesn’t make it a good thing to do especially in the absence of moderation. So many people defend their ability to get involved with an activity or a vise (usually addictive ones) as a freedom, not understanding that once you are engaged in it, you become bound to do what you felt so “free” to do, but now can’t get “free” from it. What about you, is there something in your life that has you bound? Is there something that you should exercise your freedom to say “no” to, versus your freedom to indulge? My prayer is that you do, as I do when I apply my grandfather’s quote introspectively. Question the things you do, if one seems to be a challenge, try to stop doing it for 30 days straight. If you can great, maybe there is no issue, but if not, maybe you should seek help from experienced counsel, considering the wisdom in John 8:32, so you can become free from it. Also remember that God is never so far that He cannot save and He is closer than you think…waiting for you to call on Him. Happy 4^th of July, may God bless those who have sacrificed so that we as a nation can be free. Be truly free and be blessed!

A Stones Throw

My grandfather used to say “if that stone cold talk, it would probably tell on you.”

My grandfather would employ this statement to encourage others to take a moment and evaluate a judgmental comment, or to divert an accusatory conversation that was intended to slander someone else. Much like the biblical accusers ready to stone the harlot in John chapter 8, there are times when we all hurl proverbial stones at the guilty (and the innocent) but fail to realize that everyone has imperfections and only God has the right to judge. Not only does this statement apply to accusations, but it has enormous weight when you consider the concept of forgiveness…and that - we all need.

His statement within itself was not his way of condemning people for their actions, but merely a reminder that before we point out the grain of sand in the eye of another, we should remove the figurative sand dune from our own eye. It is amazing how often we forget how imperfect all of us humans are until we ourselves make a mistake, and then we are quick to claim the “I’m human” justification.Whether your criticism is in their face or not , the stones you throw at others don’t raise the pedestal that you sit on, they carry with them the condemnation of your own transgressions, and if those stones could talk...they would scream your secrets to the masses.

When it comes to forgiveness, the concept is much the same. So often we only read half of what a scripture has to say about forgiveness, if we read scripture at all. We are quick to claim that God forgives us, but many make a grave mistake in not understanding that in every scripture on forgiveness, we have a requirement to forgive others. I once spoke with a young man who was blatant about his hatred towards his younger brother. On his arm, he had a cross tattooed with the words “Only God Can Judge Me”. In an effort to help him consider forgiveness, I asked him “What is it that God is going to judge you for?” The question forced him to peer into his own mirror image and reflect on the scenes of personal failure that littered his mind. It’s true, no one is perfect, and sometimes – especially when we are judging others – we all need to be reminded of that.

Listen friend, bottom line is that we should all truly live by the biblical “golden rule”, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. What does that mean? Well, for me, it is that if I don’t like condemnation, then I should not condemn and keep my rocks in my pocket. Moreover, I should be quick to forgive, because it is well said that forgiveness is not just for the offender, but more beneficial to the offended. When you forgive others you open the doors of forgiveness for yourself. What does it say to you? Hopefully it encourages you to stay away from rock piles unless you are laying your rocks at the foot of the cross, where they belong. Be Blessed.