The Gift of Disillusionment

My grandfather used to say “A person who will steal for you, will steal from you.”

This entry will hopefully challenge you to evaluate not only the way that you trust, but help you to look past the superficial displays of those close to you and understand how to dig deeper into character before you invest hope in someone. When it comes to relationships, trust is not optional, it’s required – if you want the relationship to be truly successful. The greater question becomes how do you learn who you can really trust and what do you look for to avoid learning the depth of your misguided trust by the gravity of their betrayal?

My grandfather’s quote is a reminder that the evaluation of a person’s character doesn’t begin when the big challenges arise, it begins immediately with every small interaction you have with those around you. In this particular situation, it was one of the crewmen working for my grandfather’s business. He was a very nice guy and had worked for my grandfather for a few years. We had just finished working on an elderly lady’s property when my grandfather noticed an extra lawn mower in the truck. After he inquired a few times of its origin, this crewmen spoke up stating that it had been sitting under the house and the lady probably didn’t even know it was there. It was in very bad shape and though she didn’t verbally say he could have it, he figured she would never use it and he would fix it up for my grandfather to use for his business.

My grandfather returned the mower to the elderly woman with a humble apology and without naming names. When he returned to us, he told the crewman that it was his last day working with him. The crewman tried to explain that his intentions were good; my grandfather just simply stated the quote above. You see, the crewman’s actions made my grandfather question his integrity, his decisions and consider the “what if” factor that turns a reflective moment into an introspective moment. In my grandfather’s wisdom he knew the action was more than just a simple slip-up, it was an indication of the condition of the crewman’s heart that surfaced without provocation. Furthermore, had he accepted the stolen gift, he then was guilty of the same thievery and it has been well said that there is no honor amongst thieves.

Much like the post “Gossiper Beware” from January, we should continually observe the actions of those around us to understand those characteristics that can only be seen by watching what they do, not listening to what they say. Just like love is a verb, so is trust, respect, communication – all of the components of great relationships and whether it’s someone you are dating who disrespects their parent, someone spreading gossip about someone else or a friend that you catch in habitual “little white lies”, keep your eyes open for the signs of their hidden personality, and be realistic about your ability to become a victim of those damaging characteristics. My prayer is that you continually evaluate the company you keep and in those times of question, you seek counsel from the one who loves you most…God. Be Blessed.

Never "Fall" In Love

My Grandfather used to say “I hope you never fall in love, but I pray that you learn to walk in it.”

On the heels of Valentine’s Day, I wanted to share this true pearl of wisdom as we consider this time of love and relationships, because the truth at the core of this statement goes far beyond the mere simplicity of the words. Anytime I have ever repeated this to anyone, they usually have the same initial reaction…nothing…for a moment they pause to drink in the paradox in the statement and consider the gravity of the rationale.

My grandfather’s quote was his genuine way of encouraging me to learn two things; one was how to guard and protect my heart and the other was how to deliberately share it with reckless abandon. Confusing? Let me break this down this way for you…have you ever fallen? You know, tripped over that invisible thing on the floor or slipped on an icy walkway? Maybe the fall was caused by something more sinister, like a push or being knocked off balance by something; let me ask you, right then in that moment - how did you feel? Most people would say, that is a feeling that they never want to experience again, it’s a terrifying rush of adrenaline because there is no control and the potential outcome is pain of some sort.

New relationships can be much the same, sure there is a level of exhilaration and rush of emotion that masquerades itself as love, but is often little more than emotion and if you "fall" into it without carefully considering the costs it may not be just your pride or a bone that is damaged. You see, just like any other fall things may be broken like maybe your heart, your spirit or self-esteem, and it takes more than a little ice to heal and relieve that kind of pain. On the other hand, when you walk with deliberate steps, especially with someone who cares as much for your safety as you do theirs, you can navigate the most difficult of circumstances and share our most prized possessions like love with joy, freedom and confidence.

What I’ve learned is that the first step to really understanding this quote is to learn the definition of true love. Many think that love is a strong affection or deep longing and desire for someone, but there are words to describe those feelings like infatuation, passion, or often lust. However to define love you must first understand what love is; it is a decision, not merely any decision, it is an unselfish decision to put the person you love before yourself. Now that statement alone is another blog within itself, but when you consider the level of commitment that true love requires, it is easy to see the dangers of “falling” into it without care and why so many are hurt by the fall. Walking in love transcends more than just a physical relationship, it builds a foundation of stability that weathers life’s storms and emotion's inconsistency, so my prayer is the same for you, make it a point to walk and not fall, with those you choose to love. Be Blessed.