Never "Fall" In Love

My Grandfather used to say “I hope you never fall in love, but I pray that you learn to walk in it.”

On the heels of Valentine’s Day, I wanted to share this true pearl of wisdom as we consider this time of love and relationships, because the truth at the core of this statement goes far beyond the mere simplicity of the words. Anytime I have ever repeated this to anyone, they usually have the same initial reaction…nothing…for a moment they pause to drink in the paradox in the statement and consider the gravity of the rationale.

My grandfather’s quote was his genuine way of encouraging me to learn two things; one was how to guard and protect my heart and the other was how to deliberately share it with reckless abandon. Confusing? Let me break this down this way for you…have you ever fallen? You know, tripped over that invisible thing on the floor or slipped on an icy walkway? Maybe the fall was caused by something more sinister, like a push or being knocked off balance by something; let me ask you, right then in that moment - how did you feel? Most people would say, that is a feeling that they never want to experience again, it’s a terrifying rush of adrenaline because there is no control and the potential outcome is pain of some sort.

New relationships can be much the same, sure there is a level of exhilaration and rush of emotion that masquerades itself as love, but is often little more than emotion and if you "fall" into it without carefully considering the costs it may not be just your pride or a bone that is damaged. You see, just like any other fall things may be broken like maybe your heart, your spirit or self-esteem, and it takes more than a little ice to heal and relieve that kind of pain. On the other hand, when you walk with deliberate steps, especially with someone who cares as much for your safety as you do theirs, you can navigate the most difficult of circumstances and share our most prized possessions like love with joy, freedom and confidence.

What I’ve learned is that the first step to really understanding this quote is to learn the definition of true love. Many think that love is a strong affection or deep longing and desire for someone, but there are words to describe those feelings like infatuation, passion, or often lust. However to define love you must first understand what love is; it is a decision, not merely any decision, it is an unselfish decision to put the person you love before yourself. Now that statement alone is another blog within itself, but when you consider the level of commitment that true love requires, it is easy to see the dangers of “falling” into it without care and why so many are hurt by the fall. Walking in love transcends more than just a physical relationship, it builds a foundation of stability that weathers life’s storms and emotion's inconsistency, so my prayer is the same for you, make it a point to walk and not fall, with those you choose to love. Be Blessed.

Revive the Romance

My Grandfather used to say: “When you are dating someone, treat them like you are married to them and when you marry them, treat them like you are dating.”

This morsel of wisdom is valuable to men and women alike because we all need a reminder. It’s similar to another quote that I’ve heard, but can’t quite remember whether it was a pastor or a comedian that said it. They were describing the differences between men and women at the time, and the speaker said “Women tend to marry men hoping that they will change, and men tend to marry women hoping that they won’t change.” How true it seems that after the nuptials are completed it feels like our spouse went into a booth somewhere and changed into…well, not quite a superhero…but was it them that changed or was it us?

During the dating and engagement period you have to bring your A-Game, especially if your goal is to make it to marriage with the one you want. So you make the adjustments; you hit the gym to keep the body looking great, you give them consideration in your decisions, or simply make the effort to create those “wow” romantic moments that they will always remember. Inevitably, once the bliss of the honeymoon is over and a certain level of comfort sets in, those efforts can start to diminish or disappear altogether.

The obvious intention of my grandfather’s comment is to remind us that marriage is not a finished product; it is a continual work in progress. Moreover, it isn’t just the romantic moments that are important, but we should invest in the longevity of the relationship, from the beginning, to ensure that there is a stable foundation set and our partner builds confidence in our intentions. Equally important, is that we fight off the temptation of complacency and keep the excitement and spice in our marriage. We should be just as interested in keeping our spouses as we were in winning their love to begin with.

The great thing about writing this blog is the opportunity to be reminded of the simple truths that my grandfather’s words provide. As I considered this particular post, I challenged the man in my mirror to put action to my words. So as my wife attended to a get together with some of her work friends, I took the opportunity to put some “wow” in our weekend. It only took a little creativity and less than $40 to create a memorable occasion where rose petals, candles and soft music helped me remind her that she is still very much deserving of the chase. The surprise in her eyes was priceless; the memories still the subject of her conversations and a deposit for me in the romantic bank of her heart. So, here is the same reminder to you…let’s see what you can do with it. Be Blessed.