Emancipation by Forgiveness

My grandfather used to say “Remember that forgiveness is not for the offender, it is for the offended.”

For many, forgiveness is a tender subject.  Why? Well, to begin a discussion about forgiveness, it will inevitably resurface feelings associated with someone’s offense.  Whether you are the offender or the offended, forgiveness is the key that will unlock the cell and loose the emotional chains that unforgiveness uses to bind you.  Let’s face it, at some point everyone will need forgiveness, because none of us are perfect.  The challenge arises when we forget that, with God, forgiveness is not merely recommended, but required, and the measure that you give to others is what will be given to you.  When you learn to truly forgive, you realize you freed a prisoner, only to find that the prisoner was...you.

My grandfather’s statement is a consummate reminder that once we understand the power in forgiveness, we can learn to master our enemies, our circumstances and ourselves.  I once asked my grandfather “what does it mean to forgive someone?”  His reply is still the basis for my definition of forgiveness to this day.  He said “when you allow God to avenge the wrong someone did in His time and in His way, you have forgiven them.”  It was amazing to me that he didn’t say that you forget what happened or that the hurt feelings go away or that you allow the person to regain a position in your life.  It is about releasing the need to be somehow a part of their revenge.  Whether you desire is to be the catalyst, facilitator or the audience to the retaliation for what someone did, that jealousy for revenge is what keeps you bound to the offense.  If you are bound then you are controlled and if you are controlled, that means something has power over you. 

So is there anything mastering you?  If so, how long are you going to allow that person or event to have control?  When you harbor unforgiveness – sure, you may move on, but you don’t have control, the feelings are merely suppressed.  It is not realized until you have to again face memory of the offense.  God knows this concept all too well and I am convinced that it is why he tells us through Paul in Romans 12:19 that “…vengeance is mine, I will repay says the Lord…”  Forgiveness is so important to God that He requires that we forgive others so that He can forgive us and as mentioned earlier, at some point, we will all need forgiveness.

Considering these words, I strain to understand why anyone would not want to be free from the captivity of unforgiveness.  Maybe they think that it is a sign of weakness or maybe they don’t want to face it and hope the painful feelings just go away.  Truthfully, it takes courage, maturity and strength to forgive.  Mahatma Ghandi once said “the weak can’t forgive; forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”  Listen, no one is saying that forgiving is easy, on the contrary it is difficult many times, but there is truth in the old saying “either forgive it or relive it.”  My prayer for you is that you grasp the power of forgiveness and when needed you have the strength to use it to break the chains that bind.  Forgive your friends, forgive your enemies and don't forget to…forgive yourself.  Be Blessed.

Your Master Called Freedom

My grandfather used to say “Be careful that your freedoms don’t become your master.”

In this July 4^th holiday season, I wanted to bring to light a quote that has everything to do with your freedoms. This country enjoys freedoms that are the distant envy of other countries and some freedoms that others pray never embeds itself within their borders or their home. I was fourteen years old when I heard this ironic yet enlightening anvil of wisdom and unfortunately saw the tragic consequences of not heeding such poignant advice. It was an eye opening statement that helped me reconsider my youthful definition of freedom.

Let me illustrate this with a story of a friend of mine, for the sake of anonymity, we will call him ‘Willy”. Willy had just turned 21 and he was spending the summer at his relative’s home which was near my grandfather’s house where I spent my childhood summers. Willy was one of the most natural basketball talents that you would ever witness. Dunking effortlessly, shooting 3-pointers like they were lay-ups and moves as smooth as silk dribbling the ball; he was truly the Lebron James our little home town. Willy was working with my grandfather this particular summer during his college break and at lunch we were discussing our plans for the evening. Willy was excited that now he was free to drink alcohol, legally, and he was going to go out with some friends to celebrate his birthday and his new found…freedom. My grandfather offered this quote to him and explained that although he was “free” to drink alcohol because of his age, he should reconsider whether it was something he really wanted to engage in with so much promise in his future.

Willy politely dismissed the warning and cited various people that we all knew, including his own dad, who drank and his hopes that it would help usher in his manhood and redefine his peer group. My grandfather further elaborated on his quote highlighting factually that each of the people that Willy mentioned had been unable to stop their drinking thus far. Careful not to spread stories of anyone’s detriment, my grandfather encouraged Willy to ask each of his mentioned “idols” one question; 'what was the worst thing that they had done, because of their drinking?' He insisted that Willy should ask before he began drinking. I am not sure if Willy ever asked or what happened that night, because Willy never showed up for work again, but what I do know is that he was eventually kicked off of the basketball team and out of college due to issues that were rooted…in his drinking problem.

Here is what my grandfather knew, just because you can do something, doesn’t make it a good thing to do especially in the absence of moderation. So many people defend their ability to get involved with an activity or a vise (usually addictive ones) as a freedom, not understanding that once you are engaged in it, you become bound to do what you felt so “free” to do, but now can’t get “free” from it. What about you, is there something in your life that has you bound? Is there something that you should exercise your freedom to say “no” to, versus your freedom to indulge? My prayer is that you do, as I do when I apply my grandfather’s quote introspectively. Question the things you do, if one seems to be a challenge, try to stop doing it for 30 days straight. If you can great, maybe there is no issue, but if not, maybe you should seek help from experienced counsel, considering the wisdom in John 8:32, so you can become free from it. Also remember that God is never so far that He cannot save and He is closer than you think…waiting for you to call on Him. Happy 4^th of July, may God bless those who have sacrificed so that we as a nation can be free. Be truly free and be blessed!

Fists of Freedom

My Grandfather used to say “God can’t bless you with your fist balled up”

I was a young teenager struggling with the challengs of youth and the pain of my first heartbreak when he provided this glacier of wisdom. As I floundered in the grip of reason, trying to understand why a relationship that I invested my heart into just wasn’t working out and how I could make it work, he offered this quote and thankfully… illustrated it this way for me.

“Thomas, hold out your hands” he said and I did. He pulled out his old rubber change pouch, the old school kind that you squeeze in your hand on both ends and it opens up from the center like a baby bird’s mouth looking for a meal. He dug through it and found two of the worst looking pennies that he had and put one in each of my hands. “Now squeeze these as tight as you can” he said, and I did, as hard as I could. He then went into his billfold and took out a $100 bill, and as my eyes grew like inflating balloons, he reminded me to keep a tight hold on those pennies. He began to drop the $100 bill onto my clinched fists, each time it obviously fell to the ground and he would pick it up and try again. After about four tries, he looked at me with love and simply asked “now...do you understand?”

After a pause of deep thought, I had a true “ah-ha” moment, I finally understood that as long as I was clinging onto those worthless pennies, I could not receive the $100 bill he was trying to gift to me. Just as, while holding on to a relationship with little value, I was not able to be open to one that had exponential value. As I continue to live and learn with these words abounding in my mind and heart I understand a little more.

There are two major times that most people find their fists “balled up”. One is in anger or defiance and the other is typically clinching on to something tightly. In either scenario, usually, God can’t bless you until you decide to release your hand so you can receive His gift. So you see, while your fist is "balled up", you are causing the perpetuation of your own misery.

As we begin this new year, ask yourself what are the “pennies” in your life? Is it anger at someone or some event that happened recently or maybe long ago, that has you wrestling with unforgiveness? Is it a stagnant relationship with a person that has you bound, clinging to their indecision? Maybe it’s your stubbornness, the inability to apologize or accept an apology that binds you as you grip tightly to tethers of pride. Whatever the case, this year, don’t make a new year’s resolution have the new year’s revelation that there is a blessing waiting on you, if you will just release your "penny" and receive it. Don’t maintain your own frustration; you have the choice to let those worthless things go. Once you do, you open up the ability to increase the value of your life. Be blessed.